More time has passed and some reflection. I am realizing that I am better at denial than I thought (wow, I need to tweet that gem!) and my family is too.
I’ve been blogging in my mind, but neglecting to type it for a while. It seems like I’ve started five or six posts in my head. Now collecting notes from several places and combining drafts, so this will be disjointed.
On October 8th I had my follow-up Cystoscopy with my OHSU doctor. I’m lying on the table feet in stirrups and waiting for the straight metal rod that the Doctor used for my first cystoscopy. My new doctor picks up a bendy thin plastic tube. “You have a flexible scope?” I asked, shocked. “Sure, they haven’t use those straight solid rods for nearly 20 years.” I suddenly felt like my previous doctor was Theodoric of York and now I was living the future. I still can’t get over the dramatic difference in the two tools. Well, I hardly felt the cystoscope. And rather than “just lie there” as my previous doctor offered calmingly, this doctor let me sit up and watch the whole thing on the widescreen. We found a tiny “growth” 1-2 mm and I watched him burn it off. It wasn’t cancer. Cool.
We decided to start BCG again for 3 sessions as a prophylactic to keep the tissue clean. I’m a little weary of the process, but having had a good checkup I’m pretty optimistic and willing to do what they suggest.
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Paperwork: So I got good news in July and began the battle of faxes to get back to flying in August. The FAA had required that I submit everything to the Seattle office and they would issue my medical (a required document which must be on hand to use my pilot license) and collecting this paper stack took 3-4 days of calling here and there to assure that faxes were both sent and received. Very exasperating. Then the Aviation Doctor had to prepare the letters and make sure all the sFAA’ questions were answered.
Some wonderful people really helped speed the process and it all worked out really well. I returned to the air in early September after qualifying in the simulator in August. Now, I’m flying half the month and in the office the other half finishing projects. It’s so nice to fly again.
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From June: I was reminded today that I haven’t posted for a while. I replied that nothing was going on to type about. But that’s not quite true. I’m going to see the doctor for my pre-op check and update. There was a very quiet time, both on the blog and in my cancer life between the last treatment and the pre-op meeting last week. I really switched off the cancer thoughts and just did stuff. This post from Dana Jennings really hit home. It was weird when the treatment stopped. What a relief, but what am I doing?
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/30/health/30case.html?_r=1&ref=health
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So what do I make of these next 40 years? I just turned 49 and there’s a 50 staring me in the face. 50! I try to focus into the future more as I write and as I think. What do I do now? I never had the “you have 6-months to live” declaration; so now I am feeling like there is a better than 50/50 chance this will be an “episode” in my life rather than its definition.
And it’s not really over anyway. Yesterday was my second “prophylactic treatment” with more BCG and it kicked my ass again. I had flu symptoms for about 8 hours, and went to be feeling awful, then awoke just fine this morning Also, I’m back to peeing pain with globs of blood and debris coming out with the urine and such. Great fun. I go back in in a week for the last one, and then nothing until January. That seems pretty soon, doesn’t it?
It’s really hard to get through a day without thinking about my urinary system somehow.
I’ll try to be better posting and avoid such omnibus blasts, but it’s complicated.
More later
